Tuesday, February 3, 2009

After Loan Default, IMF forecloses on Kenya

You and your neighbor are not the only ones feeling the brunt of the economic crisis. This morning the International Monetary Fund announced that the entire country of Kenya would be repossessed due to the country’s failure to make good on years worth of unpaid IMF loans. Rampant speculation has filled the halls of the IMF for weeks and though feelings were mixed about the foreclosure, the general mood was jubilant.

“Kenya presents a lot of work for us at the moment but I think we will all make out like bandits,” said IMF director, Igor Kimivic. “I have big plans for a Kenyan giraffe in my billiards room.”

Defaulting on the loan means Kenyans must stand aside as IMF officials reclaim any valuable assets from the country that will help the IMF reclaim money lost on the deal. The country is dirt poor but the IMF is sure it can recuperate its loses and then some if they make a thorough search of the country. In addition to taking over banks and other small Kenyan financial institutions, the IMF will confiscate wildlife, crops, and even several mountains.

“I own a lot of land in Belarus,” says Hollam Abernathy. “I think Mt. Kenya would be a valuable addition to the landscape there. If I ever plan to sell the land around the mountain I am sure my profits would be pretty substantial. It really is an investment for the future.”

Other African governments are confused about the terms of the loan offered to Kenya and starting to fear that perhaps their countries could be next. Tanzania, in particular, has received a loan from the IMF to build its infrastructure in order to appeal to its growing tourism industry. Lying just south of Kenya, the situation seems dire, but Kimivic says they do not have plans or the legal base to foreclose on Tanzania.

“Well, Tanzania has only taken out just the one loan and it was an FHA approved loan,” says Kimivic. “Those are pretty secure and you have to jump through some more hoops to get one. But we offer a variety of loans and sooner or later Tanzania will need one of those too.”

The history of loan repayments to the IMF is a brief one. It never happens. The spirit of liberal goodwill and pressure from myriad other international organizations are always able to secure debt relief through other sources. With a new line of loans, miles of fine print, and more enforceable loan terms the IMF has positioned itself for an unstable future.

“We hope to be around for a long time,” says Abernathy. “If that means we foreclose on and take over most of the world then so be it.”

1 comment:

  1. Do you know if IMF will be holding an auction to liquidate some of Kenya's resources? I could really use a decent marathon runner.

    Love the humor.