Thursday, February 5, 2009

Hillary Clinton Detained in France During Official Secretary of State Travel

French police today detained Secretary of State Hillary Clinton during an official overseas visit. Appointed by President Obama not more than a week ago. Clinton was in the nation just days after trips to England and Germany on a brief honeymoon tour of Europe to kick off the Obama administration’s relationship with our trans-Atlantic allies. Police handcuffed and escorted Clinton away as she approached a podium flanked by French and American flags.

Police chief, Louis Monroque, held a short news conference after Clintons detention.

“Who do you Americans think we are,” said Monroque, “sending this obstinate, headstrong woman to charade as the Secretary of State to mock our proud nation. We will gladly accept your real Secretary with open arms but do not speak down to us by sending a known fool to clown around and insult us on our own soil.”

Journalists from the Associated Press attempted to explain to Monroque that Hillary Clinton had indeed been appointed the Secretary of State by President Obama and that she was in town to hold serious talks about the situation in Gaza. But Monroque was unmoved and only said that any talks involving that lady and Gaza could in no possible way be construed as serious.

“I read the American papers,” Monroque continued. “I can tell the difference between serious news and tabloid jokes. I saw her picture in that paper right next to one of your fat pop-stars. Don’t stand there and ridicule me! Don’t pretend that you Americans won’t take any chance you get to poke fun at our people and our culture. This may have been one of your better pranks but I will have none of it.”

Video crews captured Clinton’s reaction to being put in handcuffs. In the video Secretary Clinton can be seen shouting, “Let go! I am the Secretary of State! I was supposed to be President but now I am the Secretary of State! That one guy from Chicago said I could be! Let go! My husband cheated on me! I still have campaign debt! Help! Let go!”

Mrs. Clinton’s entourage seemed at a loss about how to handle the situation. Craig Masterson, head of the Secretary’s security detail, spoke with us shortly after the incident occurred. “Well, we all just kind of stood there. I mean, we think that she really is the Secretary, but I don’t know. Maybe this just was a big prank; that seems to make plausible sense too. We’ll have to await word from the higher-ups on how to proceed.”

When Obama’s Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, was asked about the incident he replied, “Oh, that. Well, the first few weeks of this presidency were always going to be rough. Despite the Secretary of State position the President is confident he is capable of building a strong team to lead this nation into the future. We are working on extraditing Mrs. Clinton back to the States but we have some other stuff to see to as well.”

Former President Bill Clinton was unavailable for comment. He did not make the overseas trip with his wife but instead traveled to Atlantic City after seeing the Secretary off at the airport in D.C. Secretary Clinton is scheduled for an extended trip to Mongolia in March.

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