Thursday, February 12, 2009

N. Korea Upset with US over SI Swimsuit Issue

North Korea today threatened to back out of scheduled talks between the United States and four other nations next week because of Sport Illustrated’s newly released swimsuit issue. Moscow has agreed to host a round of talks with the belligerent North Koreans to iron out several issues ranging from human rights to nuclear arms. The upcoming meetings have been rocked by what North Korean officials describe as an American instigated scandal.

“I thought we had an agreement,” exclaimed Ri Su Bok when asked about the situation. “The United States was supposed get one of our girls on the cover of that magazine. The only reason we agreed to talks was because she was supposed to be on the cover!”

The swimsuit issue did not show a North Korean on the cover of its most popular issue, instead a bikini-clad Bar Refaeli of Israel was found standing provocatively in front of the ocean. Mr. Bok explained that he even sent over the photo to be used, the only thing the US had to do was get the magazine to put it on the cover.

Benjamine Rosco, a member of the US delegation scheduled to meet with N. Korea in Moscow, made him self available for comment on the situation shortly after the news was made public. Rosco explained that the photo was presented by the N. Koreans as a suggestion rather than a demand.

“Oh, yeah; we got the photo," Rosco admitted. “It was of a tiny little girl wearing some tattered grey clothes and standing in front of grey abandoned warehouses. I mean the girl did not even have on a swimsuit.”

Despite the look of the photo, Rosco says he still got in touch with the magazine to get the girl on the front page. Rosco explained to the magazine that this favor to N. Korea could help the US out in the upcoming round of talks. When Rosco asked who was currently being fit for the cover he didn’t press the issue any further.

The failed PR stunt has now put the N. Koreans on the offensive and have threatened to postpone or even cancel the meetings all together.

“They didn’t include the photo at all,” said Bok. “It wasn’t even in the magazine! North Korea is sexy and one day our nuclear weapons will force you to believe it!”

Russian officials did not seem too distraught over the prospect of failed talks. “Russia has always been well represented in your swimming suit magazines,” said Russian statesman, Yuri Povlovic. “That is part of the reason we play along with your silly games of conquest. It would be greater tragedy for world not to have Ms. Refaeli on the cover.”

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