Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Nation’s Ducks to Fly South for the Summer Too

The current economic recession is beginning to take a toll on the United States’ duck population. Early field reports indicate that few, if any, ducks will make the return trip north from their southward journeys beginning last fall. The change in migration patterns is describes as being related to a host of recession related problems, according to www.ducks.org.

Amont Jefferson, who works for the online organization and helps to simulate the website’s Waterfowl Migration Map, said that the decision to remain south of the U.S. border began to spread among migrating ducks last October. “It was about then the economy really began to show its spots. We recorded an abnormal amount of chatter within migrating V’s and we can only assume that the ducks were debating their course of action.

The southward trend came as bad news to Herman Schoebel, a school bus driver in Eagle, ID. “The school district is going to gerrymander the bus routes after the school year and I may be out of a job,” says Schoebel. I was counting on the fall duck hunt to bring a little bit of food into the house, but it looks like those ducks have outsmarted me again.”

Whether or not migrating ducks realized their value as edible meat would increase with the slumping economy remains to be seen. Early reports from Mexican and Caribbean game officials indicate that freshwater locations in their countries have been choked with waterfowl from the north. It is too early in the season to realize the ducks migrational intentions but state officials are preparing for a possible influx of ducks for the year.

“You can always tell which ducks are the Americans,” said Ernesto Guiterrez, a street vendor near Cancun. “I tried to wash this one duck’s beak and he just waved me off like I was some sort of third-world degenerate. Go back to the States! I get treated badly enough by our own ducks!”

The long term effects of this phenomenon is yet to be fully understood and though Congress is appraised of the situation they have yet to enact any duck-minded legislation. Many duck enthusiasts, including Brad Hyacinth, seem to think that this migration trend may be a natural development the came about independent of the slumping economy.

“Well, to tell you the truth,” said Hyacinth, “I don’t know why ducks ever come back or why they were ever here at all. I mean if you are a duck and you can go wherever you want how do you end up in North Dakota? I mean, if I were a duck I would be in Jamaica or Portugal or something. Are you suggesting that after spending a winter in the Caymans that you are really going to be compelled to come back to Minot?”

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