Monday, February 9, 2009

Obama gets goose-egg from Marine One, decommissions helicopter

President Obama put the finishing blow on the presidential helicopter this morning after a long series of altercations between the two. The quarrel escalated to a full-fledged fist fight after Marine One lowered its door frame to bump President Obama on the head, giving him a goose-egg.

“We saw this coming,” says Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. “The two had been taunting each other for weeks. It was just a matter of time before one lashed out physically at the other.”

After being hit in the head, Obama smiled towards the Indiana crowd, sat down in his seat, and began a series of jabs and hooks on the body of the helicopter. The President was able to subdue his antagonist almost immediately.

“I was really impressed with the President’s fight skills,” comments Marine Major Sean Quigley, who was piloting Marine One. “I definitely wouldn’t want to take a body-hook from him.”

The Obama administration has a zero-tolerance policy for disrespect towards the President, and swift action is always taken against those who violate this policy.

“We don’t allow the media to say anything negative about Obama,” Gibbs explains, “so why on earth would we allow some ruddy helicopter to do something like that and get away with it? It just doesn’t work that way.”

After returning from his trip to Indiana, Obama ordered the immediate decommission of Marine One, and emphasized that the scraps from the helicopter be sold to Detroit.

“There’s no greater insult I can think of for this vehicle,” the President says, “than to have it torn apart and made into a Ford sedan or Chevy hybrid.”

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