Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Former Child Star Knut Now Heavy into Drugs and Alcohol

Knut, the former child star polar bear cub who gained worldwide renown when he burst onto the scene in early 2007, is facing some very difficult times as he reaches adolescence. Photos released this morning by an undisclosed German photographer seemingly show the bear partaking of illegal substances while also consorting with the zoo’s rough and tumble dingo crowd. This comes as a shock to millions of supporters around the world who cheered the cub on and helped launch the bear to greatness only a few years ago.

Little Heidi Schuster remembers seeing the cub frolic and play in his pen on the day he was unveiled to the public.

“He was so cute. He gave me such hope,” said Heidi between sobs. “How could this be? I have posters of him all over my room. I feel so confused. Doesn’t he know what he means to me? He should have stayed away from those dingoes”

The listless bear has made fewer and fewer public appearances over the past several months and when he does venture outside he is simply unanimated. The new Knut is a far cry from the one the world fell love with and this simple fact has ruffled many feathers.

“This bear has an obligation to the public that made him who he is,” said Marcus Stahl, a frequent visitor to the Berlin Zoo. “This is a personal affront to all of us who bought his T-shirts and wear his cologne.”

“Well this is just so typical,” said Karoline Kleine. “You find something you can love and it turns into a farce. Well I am just going to stay home and watch re-runs of Hogan’s Heroes from now on.”

Despite the belligerent reaction from many of his fans others have been a little more understanding. Mikel Ulrich, of Potsdam, points out that the bear has already had to face more than most of us will in a lifetime.

“I mean, the bear was abandoned by his mother right at birth,” Ulrich explains, “and then his twin brother goes and dies a few days later. He was raised by zookeepers who, I have heard, are very fond of rum. He is launched into stardom at a very young age without any preparation on how to handle his fame and now you want to crucify him for getting into a little trouble.”

Some have begun to suggest that Knut would benefit from a temporary reassignment to a calmer zoo such as Oslo or Copenhagen, but the curator in Berlin says the bear is not going anywhere.

“Look, the kid made a mistake,” said zoo curator, Jens Steinbach. “He is scheduled to hold a press conference on Friday and he has already issued an apology on his website. We are confident in Knut’s ability to continue to bring millions of Euros to the zoo.”

Knut has not made a public appearance since the photos were made available and the zoo has refused to say whether or not the bear is in zoo’s detoxification clinic.

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