Thursday, March 5, 2009

Nation’s Top Macro-Economist Suggest Stimulus of Cheese

Debates about the nation’s frail economy and the feasibility of already passed measures to help the nation turn the economic tide have the Obama administration scrambling to consider further options. The President and the Secretary of the Treasury, Tim Geithner, have been hosting many of the nation’s key economists in order to sort out and make predictions about the economy and measures enacted to correct it. While the President has not made any changes to laws and budgets already proposed, he has been attentive to the ongoing exchanges behind closed doors.

Brennan Colter, of Stanford University’s Department of Economics, has been the most vocal about enacting new policies to put the economy back on track. Colter is considered to be one of the nation’s leading macro-economists and has written several books on macro-economic theory. Colter has, in these last few meetings, been emphatically calling for substantial influxes of cheese to the nation’s economy.

“Look, I am not supposed to go into details about these meetings,” said Colter, “but one thing a macro-economist knows is that cheese is usually the best. I mean, you can use cream of mushroom of soup and some ground beef but that will only get you so far. We have to stick with what works, now is not the time to experiment with untried recipes.”

Colter has been met with severe criticism of his idea that cheese will somehow by itself turn around the sluggish economy. Most of his opposition has come from economists in the micro-economic field.

“Cheese is good yeah,” said Irwin Horton of Tulane, “but it does not re-heat very well. We can’t rely on cheese alone; the macro-economy has to consider micro-economic necessities.”

Brian Porterhouse, of Duke University, has also been critical of Colter’s assessment. “These Stanford guys just think you can throw something in for one minute on high and everything will come out perfect,” said Porterhouse. “A good micro-economist knows that you have to use all the buttons. Some things need to defrost and sometimes you need to set it on medium for a little longer. Don’t give me all this talk about cheese, even though that is my favorite macro-economic discipline.”

The President’s Press Secretary, Roger Gibbs, was asked today during a scheduled briefing how the talks were going and though he refused to go into details he did make mention of the subject.

“The President has listened very carefully to every school of thought,” said Gibbs. “We have already included an ample amount of cheese in the original stimulus bill signed into law. The President will have to consider whether the current amount of cheese is definitive or if the cream of ‘whatever’ school has any usefulness. We will have more on this down the road.”

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