Tuesday, March 17, 2009

New York Area Charity Offering Donators A Chance to Punch Madoff Square in the Nuts

New York City charity, ‘The Gift of Punch’, reported record earnings this week as they unveiled a new charity drive to help hundreds of individuals who have been scammed out of their life savings. The charity wishes to collect donations from individuals all over the world in order to give what little assistance they can to investors who got caught up in Bernard Madoff’s Ponzi scheme. Madoff has recently pled guilty to running a fraudulent investment company which swindled millions of dollars from unwitting investors.

Donators who contribute to the charity are rewarded with feelings of kindness knowing they have been able to help out those who have fallen on hard times. In addition to this warmth of spirit, donators will get a chance to punch Madoff in the nuts.

Charity founder, Abbey Ingvar, is overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of the people of the world.

“I knew we had a good idea when we thought to collect money for these people who lost all their savings,” said Ingvar, “and I was thrilled when the NYC courts allowed us to raise this money by offering a chance to nut-punch Mr. Madoff.”

Since that announcement was made thousands from all over the globe have been giving freely of their money to the cause.

Marty Schuler, of Mobile, Alabama, said he sent $200 dollars to the cause and then spent another $250 on plane tickets to New York City. He has also convinced his cousin to join the effort.

“This here is a once in a lifetime opportunity,” said Schuler. “Who knows when the chance to pay good money to a helpin’ cause will come up again? I ain’t never punched nobody in their nuts before. Well, I mean, I never paid to do it”

Ingvar says that the response has been so overwhelming that she has had to look for a larger venue to host the event.

I was originally just going to have these people come to the jail and punch him there” explained Ingvar, “but the jail is starting to get worried about hosting so many people with visitor passes. I have already spoken with Madison Square Garden and it looks like we may be able to do it at halftime of the upcoming Knicks-Pistons game.”

TNT, who is scheduled to televise the game, is over-the-moon at the prospect of landing such a fantastic halftime event. TNT basketball analyst, Charles Barkley, has already made the necessary nut-punching contribution to ‘The Gift of Punch’ and will be interviewed about the strategy behind a good punch to the nuts just prior to doing the deed.

Speedo has joined the event by offering to outfit the swindling Madoff in its newest line of revealing swimwear. BMW is trying to gain clarification on the definition of a “punch,” and wants to get clearance to drive a brand new BMW 2009 G650GS into Madoff’s privates.

Ingvar admits that she was not prepared for the type of response the charity has generated and she is already working on a new event involving former NY governor, Eliot Spitzer.

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