Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Ahmadinejad to resign over threat of “Clown Invasion”


A visibly shaken Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced that he would resign from the Iranian Presidency following a mild protest at a UN racism conference in Geneva yesterday. As he ran from the conference hall to his motorcade, the controversial radical leader told pursuing reporters that he would do anything the west asks of him as long as they kept those “evil” clowns away from him and his family.

The normally stubborn Ahmadinejad had a change of heart when student protesters interrupted the beginning of the Iranian President’s speech by shouting unintelligible insults and donning rainbow colored clown wigs. It was at that moment that the embattled Ahmadinejad’s countenance changed. Although he finished his speech, he made a b-line for the door and said he “just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“It’s been a very well kept secret for sometime,” Iranian spokesman Hamid-Reza Asefi said this morning. “Mahmoud is terrified of clowns. Has been all his life. I think most of us agree that clowns are outright disturbing creatures. For our president, though, they literally make him wet his pants at night.”

Upon hearing the news, Hillary Clinton jokingly called Iran and said that she was planning to send a delegation from Barnum & Bailey to discuss the nation’s nuclear program. She was told by a panicked Ahmadinejad that he would personally dismantle all nuclear facilities and then resign as president if she promised to keep the clowns at bay.

“I honestly wasn’t serious about sending a circus delegation,” Clinton said, “I just wanted to see his reaction. And look at what happened! I think it’s safe to say I’m the greatest Secretary of State that ever lived.”

Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice also weighed in on the development, saying she had seen vague signs of the Iranian President’s one weakness in the past.

“At a summit in France back in 06, I was telling Dubya that we may have to send 'those clowns from Europe' to handle negotiations with Iran,” she told the press. “Someone must have overheard me and informed Ahmadinejad, and apparently he soiled himself as the news got to him. At first I thought he was just afraid of the European Foreign Ministers, which—obviously—didn’t make any sense. Now I understand that it was the word clown that got him so worked up. It’s a shame we didn’t pick up on this factoid back then. We’d have kept the GOP in power.”

In other news, the State of Israel canceled their normal order of weapons and ammunition from US manufacturers and instead purchased $1 billion in white makeup and red foam noses from Acme, Inc.

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