Wednesday, April 1, 2009

G-20 Protests turn out to be organized April Fool’s joke

London police breathed a sigh of relief yesterday. After weeks of preparing for what was expected to be a violent outbreak of protests surrounding the G-20 Summit, security forces learned early on that the protesters were merely a large group of organized pranksters hoping to get some air time on the news and possibly get more hits on their YouTube channel.

“We had basically been training for minor urban warfare,” London Police Chief Nigel Whitaker told reporters. “But when we arrived at the first outbreak just outside of the Bank of England, we saw that most signs had messages like ‘CAPITALISM ISN’T WORKING’ or displayed those anarchy ‘A’ symbols. That’s when we knew it was a joke. I mean, we haven’t been using capitalism for nearly a century, so there’s no way these folks were actually protesting capitalism.”

The protesters/pranksters did indeed seem to be mocking the fact that European leaders have been meeting behind closed doors for decades in attempts to manipulate economics and markets through legislation, regulation and intervention—all the while claiming to advocate a free market system. The citizens, it would seem, have not been fooled.

“Oh please,” scoffed Edmund Harris, who headed one of the larger protest groups, “we know we’ve got full-fledged socialism here. That’s why all this anti-Capitalism junk is so funny. And we were thrilled to see that news of our little demonstration caused the police to come out of the wood works, dressed in full riot gear and looking like they were ready to crush its citizens. How’s that for a big brother state, eh? Yeah, we all had a good laugh with them about it. They sure were scared!”

A few of the protesters, however, were under the impression that there was actually going to be a revolution of some sort, and were quite miffed when the whole thing turned out to be an April Fool’s prank.

“A couple of us watched ‘V for Vendetta’ and ‘Equilibrium’ last night to prepare ourselves for an epic battle against the state,” a disappointed Norman Peck revealed. “We even went out and bought those Guy Fawkes masks to look the part. Now everyone—protester and policeman alike—is hanging out at Finnegan’s and drinking Guinness. What a waste.”

Leaders at the G-20 summit were informed that the anticipated violence turned out to be pure chicanery. None of the heads of state seemed to care about the information.

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