Thursday, April 30, 2009

Hugh Jackman caught screaming in presence of harmless spider

Only hours before the worldwide premier of the highly anticipated action-thriller X-Men Origins: Wolverine, actor Hugh Jackman—who plays the manly hero Wolverine—was witnessed screaming like a four-year-old girl after seeing a small brown spider scurry across the ground as he was being harassed by the paparazzi. Critics now say the film has lost all appeal, and that the character played by Jackman can no longer be taken seriously.

“It was a saddening sight,” said movie blogger Dan Clover. “Here you have the baddest dude in show business, the great Wolverine, and the man was frightened by a tiny spider.”

Jackman tried to play off the incident as an ironic joke, insisting that the scream was way too girly to not have been done on purpose.

“C’mon guys,” Jackman pleaded to the cameras. “How could anyone with pecs like mine be spooked by that thing? It was a spoof! You gotta believe me!”

The incident has caused speculation that behind the rugged Australian façade, Jackman is, at heart, a flagrant pansy. While most who know the actor are denying this speculation, others who have worked more closely with Jackman say otherwise. Nicole Kidman, for instance, revealed a shocking event from the recently released Australia, in which the two were the star actors.

“During one of the breaks,” Kidman texted reporters, “A koala sidled up to Jackman, and he crapped his pants forthright. He blamed it on some undercooked pork he had eaten earlier, but now I realize the man is simply a nancy and scared of a docile marsupial.”

Wolverine is still expected to fare well this weekend, but the overall franchise will likely suffer in the long run. Toys R’ Us has already pulled all Wolverine action figures from the shelves and transferred them to the girls’ section, next to the Barbies.

“We just feel that little girls relate more to the Wolverine now than boys do,” Toys R’ Us spokesman Geoffrey G. Raffe said.

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