Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Jackie Chan Asks For Increase In Chinese Government Sponsored Disappearings, Killings

Movie action hero, Jackie Chan, made headlines this week by voicing an approval of the Chinese government’s efforts to control its citizens. This seeming approval is at a stark contrast with the rest of the world who is continually putting pressure on the Chinese government to make its self more transparent and accountable regarding its human rights record. What he said was:

"I'm not sure if it is good to have freedom or not," said Mr. Chan. "I'm really confused now. If you are too free, you are like the way Hong Kong is now. It's very chaotic. Taiwan is also chaotic."

He then added: "I'm gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we are not being controlled, we'll just do what we want."

Mr. Chan went a little further this morning explaining that the Chinese government is best able to control its population when they are either completely constrained or dead. The real issue, as he sees it, is about control, and it is really easy to control those in graves.

“I mean, what if a Chinese woman could just go buy a cup of tea at will,” said the actor. “Now multiply that by about 500 million and you can see what kind of a situation we would be in. Those crazies in Hong Kong and Taiwan are just buying tea without the fear of death hanging over them. It is quite chaotic.”

“But we don’t have to kill everybody,” continued Chan. “I mean if you just lock several million up in a filth ridden pit of a dungeon, that is a really effective and positive control mechanism as well. As I have said, freedom is downright scary.”

Mr. Chang also used the interview this morning to reveal a new line of weapons he plans to market in the coming year. The weapons are specifically designed kill baby seals and Mr. Chan feels he is filling a current void in the seal-killing industry with his new line.

“You can see these are not your grandfather's clubs,” said Chan. “Now you’ve got better grip with a new synthetic rubber handle. Also, the razor blade spikes on these clubs are dipped in cyanide. It is a very useful tool because the last thing you are going to want is a baby seal just doing whatever it wants.”

Of course there are some limits to control that Mr. Chan thinks are permissible. “If anyone in my family is ever harmed then I will hunt down the killers and destroy them,” said a threatening Chan. “It would be best if we had a film crew and the proper lighting in place when I do.”

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