Monday, April 20, 2009

John Madden to replace Michael Steele as GOP chairman

Not even a week into his retirement, hall of famer and former football color commentator John Madden has been approached by high ranking GOP officials regarding chairmanship of the struggling party. With the 2012 elections already at the forefront of nearly every political analyst’s mind, the GOP is hoping to secure Madden as the party’s spokesperson and mascot and restore the party to its former glory.

“Madden will bring a much needed change to the Republicans,” South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford said today. “I mean, we put Michael Steele up there to counter Obama and show young voters that we were hip and culturally inclusive—oh, and also because we were so shocked that an African American was in our party. Boy was that guy a mistake. Pro-abortion, anti-gun, and he swears in public. Yeah, we all swear, but even hot-headed McCain knows to keep the profanity in the Congressional chambers.”

Senior GOP members feel that Madden would be less of an obvious attempt—unlike with Steele—to court voters who have disenfranchised themselves from the conservatives. The veteran sports figure is old, loves football and proudly waves the American flag, making him the quintessential GOPer.

“But that’s not the only reason we’re gunning for him to chair the party,” Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said. “His football video game thing is so popular with the young’uns, and if they see that we made him the boss of our little getup here, well they’ll be sure to vote for us!”

Madden has yet to accept the offer, but he did mention some plans for the party should he become its chairperson. For example, he felt that the current nickname “Party of Principle” should be changed to “Party of Boom” and also that they would need a versatile tight end with good hands to open up the field.

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