Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Porky Pig Arrested on Bio-terrorism, Swine Flu Charges

Fun-loving, stuttering Porky Pig showed his evil side today as police led him towards a waiting cruiser. The corpulent pig swore at waiting photographers and displayed a demeanor void of remorse after being picked up on charges related to recent swine flu outbreaks in Mexico and the US. Porky is currently being held in a San Antonio prison waiting to be arraigned on bio-terrorism charges.

"G-g-get, g-g-get, g-g let go of me!” the angry pig cried as police used their might to restrain him

Detectives located the pig as they traced outbreak locations to a farm near Porky’s residence in west Texas. Though Porky had gone into hiding by the time detectives arrived, a search warrant allowed on-scene investigators to locate several beakers and test tubes believed to be used as swine flu cultivators. Porky used these cultivated strains to contaminate ground water wells all over the western part of the state. Two days later police caught up with the fugitive at a hotel in Amarillo.

Daffy Duck, a long friend/nemesis of the pig is having a hard time believing Porky was smart enough to pull off such an elaborate scheme.

“I guess his own bout with swine flu gave him more wit than I ever remember him having,” said a skeptical Daffy. “Not a chance in a million that he could have hatched a plot like this himself. I’ll paint a moustache on every picture I see if it’s true.”

Angry citizens on both sides of the boarder say that Sylvester the cat is mostly to blame for Porky’s deranged state, and many vigilantly swine flu carriers are organizing cat-hunts to bring Sylvester to justice.

“That cat is bad news,” says Emanuel Cueto. “He never lets that pig sleep at night. It is well documented; I have seen the footage myself. I blame the cat for turning that pig into a bio-terrorist psycho.”

Though nobody knows for sure, it seems Porky came down with a severe sore throat several years ago. Left untreated the virus morphed into swine flu by virtue of Porky being, in fact, a pig. Patient confidentiality acts prevent the public from knowing if Porky had ever been treated for the disease but findings at his residence clearly indicate that he was both infected and cultivating the virus.

White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, said today during a scheduled press conference that the president would probably appoint a director to head up the swine flu situation.

“And after that appointment backs out because of unresolved tax issues we’ll appoint another one, and so forth,” said Gibbs

Loony Tunes has pulled its branded line of surgical masks off store shelf’s and currently has no intention of reintroducing them.

1 comment:

  1. Photos of Porky being arrested at his home.