Wednesday, April 8, 2009

President Obama Spends Entire Trans-Atlantic Flight Home in Air Force One Bathroom

Ending an eight-day trip to Europe, the President used some down time aboard Air Force One to recuperate from the effects of a week’s worth of foreign food. The culinary end of the trip started out in London where the President was subjugated to all manner of English delicacies unfit for human consumption. The kidney pie, in particular, made it difficult for the President to put much faith in anything else the Europeans tried to get him to eat.

White House spokesman, Devon Harrington, who accompanied the President on the trip, has been trying to prep the President for a speech he is to deliver upon arrival in the US but says the President is in severe need of his privacy for the moment.

“I think the blood sausage the President ate in Germany put a serious damper on a planned tirade against North Korea,” said Harrington. “The President was going to embark into a 45 minute speech after they launched their missile but decided a simple sound bite would suffice instead.”

French officials said the President vocally complained during dinner in their country.

“Oh, my English is not so good, huh?” said Oscar Deveraux, Secretary of French Internal Affairs. “But I heard him, plain as could be. He said ‘what’s the bloody deal with all these brussel sprouts.’ What, did he think we were going to heap french fries in his lap?”

The President did seem to enjoy France’s crème brulee but he seemed to have overstepped his bounds. The President stopped mid-sentence during an explanation of US/European agrarian agreements and pointed out that he did not know there was such a thing as too much crème brulee.

Harrington explained that on the fourth night of the trip the President sent him out for some peanut butter.

“I couldn’t find any peanut butter anywhere. All I could find was hazelnut spread. I ended up bringing back liver paste and rye bread after which the President physically assaulted me. I tried to assure him that it wasn’t that bad but after trying it I had to physically assault myself too.”

Near the end of the trip the President spoke with Irish foreign ministers and expressed his heartfelt sadness about the potato famine all those years ago. But then the President said the Irish could suffer an eternal red cabbage famine for all he cared and he would never change his opinion about it.

As the President boarded Air Force One this morning he thanked Europe for being such a grateful host. He then added: “I look forward to strengthening our relationships as we move towards the future. Maybe we could talk about it again some time over some pizza or something. Only I’ll bring the pizza because you guys have, like, corn and tuna fish on yours.”

1 comment:

  1. Ah, corn and tuna fish pizza. These Americans just don't know what they're missing.