Monday, May 25, 2009

Obama Calls Giant Robot Destroying Chicago a ‘Grave Threat’

Mark Dunlop dove to the ground for cover as a giant 75 foot robot destroyed the apartment complex he had been living in. Getting up, covered in dust and debris, Mark grabbed his family and ran down the road further south away from danger. Chicago has been under siege for two days and hundreds of thousands of residents have fled the area. After much deliberation and review, the Obama administration has come out with a statement about the situation.

Standing at the podium with a handful of papers the president explained to the gathered press that the administration views the giant killer robot as a “grave threat.” The president then began to step down from the podium at which point journalist Debbie Newsome stood up and asked the president for further clarification.

Reluctantly the president retook his stand at the podium and repeated the administrations stance on the situation.

“Soooo, what are we going to do about it?” asked Newsome.

The president furled his brow, clearly perplexed by Mrs. Newsome’s confusing logic. “What do you mean? I just told you what are doing. We are unmistakably labeling the robot as a threat. We labeled any and all killer robots a threat five months ago and our stance has not changed. Can you believe this thing is just violating all sorts of UN Security Council agreements?”

“But why didn’t we do anything five months ago to prevent this current situation?” asked a persistent Mrs. Newsome.

“We did do something. We labeled it a threat,” replied the flabbergasted president.

“So why is a killer giant death robot destroying Chicago?” responded Mrs. Newsome.

“A killer robot is destroying my hometown because they are threats and that’s what threats do,” explained the president very slowly so that Mrs. Newsome could better understand him.

“It is the same thing as North Korea,” continued the president. “We have labeled them as a threat too. Soon enough a devastating nuclear tragedy will befall the United States and we will say, ‘Told you they were a threat. We called it.’ And then I will be vindicated as great.”

In related news, democrats in Congress voted today to label everything under the sun as a threat so that if anything ever happens they will not have been wrong about it.

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